How to make a woman interested in you...

Boy meets girl, they have a decent conversation and exchange numbers, boy irks girl's nerves so she stops chatting with him, boy harasses girl.

That's been the story of my life for quite a while... Now I don't normally post personal details on this blog, but today I'll make an exception. This is mainly because I know for certain that I can't possibly be the only one that goes through this. Whether male or female, we've all had to deal with that person that just couldn't seem to take a hint. Unfortunately for me, that person is actually those people. There have been a few men that I've met over the years and while they were nice people, I was not romantically interested in them. So I did what any normal person would do... Put them in the friend zone! Before you begin to judge please note that in no way, shape, or form have I ever led anyone on or purposely caused them to believe that a love connection was a possibility.

Why is it that folks play themselves by automatically assuming that exchanging numbers means that they're about to start dating someone? I've literally had a guy speak to me like I was obligated to spend quality time with him after one phone conversation. I believe a person has the right to feel you out via telephone conversations before either of you waste time or money going on dates. That's fair, right? I must admit, I'm not perfect and I could work on being a bit more blunt with people, but I fear being rude. As opposed to just saying "I just don't like you," I've given excuses in the past. I've either told people that I'm in no position to be dating right now, that I don't have time, or that maybe I'd hit them up if I wanted to hang out. These excuses were totally honest though. I am in no position to be dating someone I don't particularly care for, I work two jobs so spare time is scarce, and I always place emphasis on the word maybe. These days if the excuses don't work I'm just less inclined to respond to text messages and phone calls. Why am I like this and what are the men in question doing wrong?

Only God knows why I'm like this, but some may site the fact that I'm a gemini as a reason for me being wishy washy in my dealings with men. I don't believe my astrological sign has anything to do with it, I simply know what I like and up until recently I hadn't been attracting it. Allow me to list a few of my experiences. I've received multiple text messages at all hours of the night, been turned off by inappropriate comments, and simply been annoyed by another party's lackluster conversation. What did I do in these instances? I didn't respond because if I did, the fool would've thought that texting me at 3am was acceptable, I verbally expressed my disgust, and I ended calls abruptly and ignored the heck out of future ones and text messages. What did the men do? Simple. They kept calling and/or texting. But why?

Some call it persistence, others call it harassment. I call it pure desperation. There's no way I'd continue attempting to contact anyone after multiple failed attempts. Here's a rule of thumb: if you call and/or text someone three times to no avail, they're either dead, super busy, or just not interested in talking to you. My advice would be to stop calling. Give that person the opportunity to show that they're interested in you, if they don't then chances are they aren't.

I am a woman so I can only speak from my experience. I can't give much advice to other women about how to make the right guy interested in you because if I knew, my new crush would probably call me more often. However, I can gear some advice to men because I've dealt with my fair share of ones that I was not eager to get to know. The truth is I don't know any tricks that will ensure a woman's interest, but I do know things that'll definitely prevent it.

Don't constantly call or text a woman unless she is behaving in a similar manner. It makes you seem pressed. Also if you're a man (or woman) that always "chilling" and hanging out who never mentions going to work, chances are another person, if they're anything like me, will not be interested in you. In addition, monitor the type of conversations you have. Any respectable woman won't want to discuss sex with you in the beginning stages of your friendship so if that's what your conversations are typically about, something needs to change. This last bit of advice is universal: just be yourself. If the person you're interested in isn't responding to that then keep it moving. Perhaps it just wasn't meant to be.

That's all I've got for now. Do you have any tips or stories you'd like to share? If so, please feel free to comment below. Also, I'd definitely appreciate if you shared this post with others because excessive phone calls and texts from uninteresting people is a growing epidemic. I'd like you to help me have a part in putting a stop to it.

Thanks for reading,

Alexandria B.

"As long as it sounds good..."

I am a fan of music. R&B is my favorite genre, it always has been and I used to think that this would always be the case, but as of late many R&B artists have taken a new route to please the masses so the quality of music has changed. As opposed to songs about love and life, they've decided to compose stripper anthems and other songs that demean women. Tank, for example, is one of my favorite artists of all time and even he has managed to disappoint me with his latest mixtape. The R&B crooner who is known for hits like "Maybe I Deserve" and "I Can't Make You Love Me" now has a song titled "Money on the Floor" making him no exception to this fad.

To be honest, stripper references in so-called R&B songs is getting pretty old and so is direction giving, "Girl, back it up, drop it low, etc." Since when did women need to be told how to dance and why must songs promise us money? "I got a pocket full of ones" or "I'ma make it rain" are pretty common lines. I can't speak for other women, but I must say that I wouldn't want anyone throwing singles at me nor would I want to pick money up from the floor. Many of these songs lack creativity and rap songs are even worse these days. In fact, it would take me hours to analyze the lyrics of some of the most popular rap songs and I won't even bother watching the videos for them anymore because the concept is almost always the same... Nice cars, scantily clad exotic looking women, and stacks of money. Did I miss anything?



That brings me to another point, thousands of women these days aspire to become actresses or models. Please note that I use the term "actress" loosely as many of them are not thespians and simply desire to be on television. That being said, they'll do pretty much anything for some camera time. Above I've embedded a video for Chris Brown's latest single "Strip" featuring Kevin McCall to help prove my theory. These women were so eager to be in a Chris Brown video that they couldn't unite to say "Hey guys, maybe we should opt not to wear bikinis in a snow scene while the men are wearing sweaters." Granted, it wasn't real snow but still... The idea of women being around to entertain these men is apparent. Not to mention, there were scenes when two or more women were vying for one man's attention in scenes that insinuated sexual acts. Was it really necessary for them to go into closets? But then again with lyrics like "If you ain't freakin', we ain't speaking," I guess I shouldn't have expected much from the video. Let me not to forget to mention, I actually like how this song sounds. One can't deny, it sounds good. The beat is amazing and that infectious "Got d@mn, you sexy" line is catchy. But do I agree with its lyrics? Would I dance to it in public? No.

Stripper songs aren't the only issue and men aren't the only ones contributing to horrible themed music. Nicki Minaj raps about having a squeaky clean vagina and asks for money in the remix to rapper Big Sean's popular song "Dance (A$$)." If the number one female in the industry doesn't demand respect and encourages fans to label themselves as bad bitches, what hope is there? What else does our youth have to listen to if these songs get major airplay? Young women will grow up thinking that their body is their greatest asset and young men will believe that if they don't have tons of money, they're unworthy of a female's attention. Then we will notice a continued influx of women that desire to be video models and/or strippers and men that wish to sell drugs and/or become rappers. It's a vicious cycle and no one wants to take responsibility for it. Artists will cite "just having fun" as a reason for some of their lyrical content and consumers will continue to dance to it and be influenced as long as it sounds good. Artists like YG, Waka Flocka, and Soulja Boy will continue to thrive as long as they can manage to have good beats for their songs.

I've been hesitant to blog about this because I didn't want it to seem like a rant, but I just got tired of the topic festering in my mind. As a person with younger siblings, a lover of music and a woman, I demand more. There are plenty of ways to make promote change. For starters, you could stop buying the albums. You can also call your local radio stations and say something. Request songs of substance, be mindful of what you listen to and don't just require a nice beat. Lyrics matter and the next time you're dancing to a stripper anthem, don't just continue dancing because you know it doesn't apply to you. Those around you may assume different. Please be sure to share your thoughts in a comment below. Do you think the music industry is full of nonsense or am I overreacting?

Thanks for reading,

Alexandria B.

Troy Davis: Are you a bandwagon activist?

Tonight Troy Anthony Davis was declared dead at 11:08 p.m. As expected, many are outraged citing a faulty judicial system as the reason for such injustice. I am one of these people, but I am also a bit perturbed about how and why some elected to protest Davis' execution. Over the past week I have witnessed a significant amount of rallying by thousands of people who believed there was "too much doubt" in Davis' case for him to be executed.

Of those thousands of people, I wonder how many actually researched the case. I wonder how many knew the details of what he was arrested for before sending tweets and signing petitions. I'd estimate that nearly half of the people posting about Davis' pending execution had the slightest clue about all of the components involved. This brings me to the mention of bandwagon activists, individuals that unite for a cause only because they see others doing it; society is filled with plenty of these people.
While his claims of innocence drew worldwide support this week, Davis' case has been ongoing for 22 years. His execution had been stopped three times since 2007. Did we really expect justice to be rendered on a case of this magnitude after 48 hours of Facebook statuses, retweets and blog posts? Are we that naive? Yes, social networking is powerful but this is the Supreme Court we're talking about here, not Beyonce's baby bump.

I wonder how many of us thought about Mark MacPhail. If you aren't aware of who I'm referring to, please include yourself in the above mentioned 50%. Whether you choose to believe it or not, justice has been served for MacPhail and his family tonight for they believed that Davis was guilty. Imagine if it was your relative that was killed, would you be against the accused murderer's execution then?

I truly believe it's important to be informed and consider all sides of a story before taking a stance. If you were one of the people rallying, what were you doing it for? Were you protesting the death penalty or injustice on a Black man? Don't just campaign for a cause that you know nothing about, do some research so that you'll know exactly what you're fighting for. Don't call a man innocent when you really don't know because you were not there.

Please don't get me wrong, I too am saddened by what happened to Troy Davis just hours ago. Do I believe he was innocent? Yes, but I'm not a judge in a court of law. Neither are most of the people that posted tweets and signed petitions. Deep down I wish that the rallying and protests would have produced a much different outcome. There is no question about it, our judicial system is flawed. I wonder how many of us will spend future hours trying to change it.

I honestly can't believe that I'm witnessing this type of history in 2011. It's all very reminiscent of the Jim Crow laws when things were outrageously slanted against the interests of African Americans. How can a case with seven of nine witnesses recanting or disputing all or parts of their testimony repeatedly be denied a new trial? How can a man be indicted and executed with no existing physical evidence? I have tons of questions, but do they really matter at this point? After all, Troy Davis is dead and "justice was served" according to several state and federal judges.

Please feel free to answer any of the questions I posed above, comment below or post links to articles or posts that you think will be interesting for me to see about the topic.

Thanks for reading,

Alexandria B.

August Workout/Diet/Life Challenge

I won't even start this post with the usual apology for not posting in ages. Just know that my intentions for this blog are good, but free time is not in abundance. Anyway, I decided that I'd make August 2011 a month that I'd end with no regrets. If you're anything like me you always wish and pray for better things to happen in your life. You think you're trying hard, but you can always increase your efforts. You know you deserve better, but can't seem to get it. If you're tired of the previous statements applying to you, keep reading this post.

Let's begin with the fitness challenge that I decided on this morning when I came across this video. I am 5'3 and weigh less than 115 lbs yet I am just as uncomfortable in a swimsuit as a person who is hundreds of pounds overweight. Most people assume that I'm simply insecure, but that's not the case. Just because someone is small doesn't mean they're healthy or in shape. I have poor eating habits, I rarely exercise, and I've grown accustomed to calling myself "skinny-fat." With this challenge I will begin exercising at least three times a week and eating well balanced meals daily. This means that my dollar menu addiction must cease.

I understand that fast food is convenient, cheap, and sometimes delicious but isn't our health much more important? Let's tackle our diets. We only get one body in this life and it's time that we monitor what we put in it. We often claim that we don't have enough time to cook or exercise because our lives our so hectic yet we find time to either read or write blogs, waste on social networking sites, or watch meaningless television shows. Imagine giving yourself a measly 30 minutes per day. Sounds easy right? Since I'm starting small and I'll only be working out three times per week, the other four days will involve me spending my me-time differently.

Here comes the life challenge. Start reading books, practicing new or long lost hobbies, better yet do anything you can think of that doesn't involve technology. We're becoming too dependent on electronic devices. I know this from personal experience because my cell phone hasn't worked properly in days and I feel incomplete. If facebook, twitter, or tumblr are major consumers of your time, this challenge is for you.

Alex before the challenge = )

THE BOTTOM LINE

Workout Challenge - I don't know what you need to work on and I'm not a personal trainer so I can't give you workout tips. That would be the epitome of the blind leading the blind. I can say that during this challenge, the actual workout won't be the hardest part. Getting out of bed to start the workout will be. Or if you're planning to workout after work, please do so as soon as you get home or you'll get too relaxed and put the task off until the next day. Consider this the RIGHT NOW challenge because we'll have to encourage ourselves to exercise as soon as it crosses our minds. It's time to stop putting off for tomorrow the things that we can accomplish today.

Diet Challenge - I'm also not a dietitian so I'm not going to try to list things you should include in your diet. What I'm going to do is make sure I eat breakfast daily. This breakfast will include Nutella, reduced fat milk, orange juice (with pulk because that stuff is amazing), some form of fresh fruit, and whole grain bread. Perhaps I'll post photos of how things are going with my diet mid-month to show you guys how I'm doing things.  My lunch and dinner will include tons of vegetables and foods with protein. I'm positive that starches are going to play a large role in my diet as well because potatoes were sent from heaven. I'm simply trying to tone up and perhaps gain a few pounds so if you're trying to lose weight, our diets will differ. The most important thing to remember is to avoid processed foods. Lastly give yourself one cheat day per week. Perhaps Saturdays would be best to eat the snacks that you may crave all week, but remember to eat proper portions. A couple weeks ago I made a pan of brownies and ate them all by myself, that probably wasn't wise.

Life Challenge - This is my favorite part of the challenge. Not only will I be working out, but I will have the opportunity to improve my quality of life. Let this not be the month for complaining, let's take action. As I mentioned earlier, start reading more and practicing a hobby. If you hate your job, spend time searching and applying for a new one.  We may not have all the things we want, but we are capable of getting them if we just work hard at it.

That's all for this post. Please leave a comment if you're with me in this challenge. Let me know what you're planning on including in your diet or exercise routines because I'm interested in seeing how others take on this challenge. I often see blog challenges and other random challenges online, it's time that we challenge ourselves to do something that can actually help us.

Thanks for reading,

Alexandria B.

I went to the 2011 BET Awards...

I'm just now finding time to post about my experience at this year's BET Awards. Not only was I lucky enough to attend, I got paid to go on stage and pretend to be one of Nicki Minaj's "Barbies" so I got to see quite a few celebrities face-to-face. I felt pretty lucky to be one of the ten young ladies chosen and I got recognized by tons of people that I know even though I was wearing a wig. Woop Woop! Moving on, this post won't be long. When I was in the presence of the celebrities that attended the event, I realized that I have a lot of pride. Something in me didn't feel comfortable asking for photos or anything of the sort. I have to really like someone to be thirsty enough to do that. Needless to say I don't have many photos from the awards to share.

Isn't her dress the cutest thing you've ever seen?

I was thirsty enough to ask recording artist, Dondria for a photo though, LoL. Don't judge me, I've loved her for years! I simply wanted to take a photo of her and she and her pal let me be in the picture. I was beyond excited! Even though I only interacted with her for approximately 30 seconds, that brief moment confirmed why I'm such a huge fan of hers. She's super nice and ridiculously under-rated! Folks need to stop sleeping on her music. I swear her song "Still Be With Me" is one of my favorite R&B tracks of all time. Be sure to follow her on twitter to stay informed about what's going on with her and whatnot.

I was also able to get a photograph with Bruno Mars that I was tempted not to post because I look like a goofball in it. I don't have a super cool story to tell about him, but he was nice and his hands were very soft. = ) Prior to the awards a young lady asked to take a photo with me and some of the other girls that were going to present the award with Nicki Minaj. Little did we know that girl, Tiffany Greene, would become an overnight celebrity after a technical error caused her to announce both Chris Brown and Rihanna as the winner of BET's  Coca Cola Viewer's Choice Award. Since she's "famous" now I decided to share that picture with you guys as well.

Courtesy of Tiffany Greene's twitter page

These are about the only photos I have worth sharing. I also took a photo of J. Cole, but it came out blurry. Kerry Washington also posed for a photo but my wack phone wouldn't cooperate. Again, I'm really grateful that I was able to attend this awards show. I recently learned that #TeamMinaj is really serious when it comes to being hardcore fans and there are thousands of people that would have given their left pinky toe to stand on stage with Nicki Minaj and/or Justin Bieber. If you'd like to see a clip of the award that we were on stage for click here.  That's about all for this post. I'll get back to blogging regularly in the next few weeks.

Thanks for reading,

Alexandria B.

Why people use Foursquare and/or "check in" online...

Whose bright idea was it to create a method for folks to note their locations on a mobile device and share them with their friends? I can recall the exact moment I got my first Loopt request years ago. It was the first time I ever heard of an application of its kind and I remember being immediately opposed to the idea. From what I understood, if you were meeting up with friends the app would make it easier for them to find you by locating you on a map. I remember thinking, "What happened to good, old fashioned calling and asking for directions?" At the time I rarely met up with groups of people so that was among the many reasons I saw no need to download the app.

Times have changed. Now Foursquare, Google Latitude, and "check-in" capabilities on social networking sites are the norm. People are now able to share their locations with the simple click of a button. At first I could not understand why they'd want to share such information with the public, but then I thought long and hard. As a result, I have compiled a list of four reasons why people opt to let others know where they are on social networking sites. The reasons are as follows:

I. They have something to promote.
An individual that can potentially gain from others knowing their location may choose to "check-in" to let others know they have arrived. For example, if Rihanna had an in-store appearance to promote her perfume it may be beneficial for her to let her fans know her location. Rihanna would benefit monetarily from revealing her location because sales for her fragrance are likely to increase just because fans were able to get a glimpse of her in person.

II. They want to share (or brag) about the excitement in their life.
If someone is at an expensive restaurant and you happen to spot a post like "Jane Doe just checked in at (insert fancy place here)."then it's safe to assume that gloating was the intent. If they choose to reveal their attendance at a club or party then they more than likely just want others to know that they are in the midst of doing something exciting.

III. They want to get stalked and/or murdered.
Anyone who willingly posts their location for all to see wants to be a victim. Privacy should be valued to some extent and if the person's twitter account is not private or their friends list consists of at least one person that they don't know well, they're asking for trouble. I used Rihanna in the previous example, but the difference between her and the average person is the fact that she has a bodyguard on duty.

IV. They are lame.
If you use an app to "check-in" and actually think others want to know what you're doing and where you are all day, you're idiotic. You don't leave much to be desired when you post everything online and if I can simply read your timeline, there's no need for me to ever call to inquire about how your day was.

So these are the only possible reasons I could fathom. If I missed anything, please feel free to share it in a comment below. Lastly, I  must admit that people's decision to reveal their locations to the masses is not the only thing that bothers me. It really seems like some people are incapable of doing anything without sharing. For example, the obsession with the #np (now playing) hashtag on twitter shows that even an activity as simple as listening to music has been altered. Not only do people have to know where you are, they have to know what you're listening to too?

Social networking has changed how we communicate altogether. When I meet a guy he shouldn't ask me for my twitter username before my telephone number. And yes, this has happened... I'm rambling, please excuse me. Back to the topic at hand, shouldn't we just be living life and doing exciting things to share them with people afterward? Or does this new ability to share things instantly enrich our lives in some way that I'm not seeing? Please note this post isn't meant to offend anyone. Maybe I'm just old school and can't get with the latest technology. What are your thoughts? Is social networking and its many features getting out of control or am I tripping?

Thanks for reading,

Alexandria B.

New Posts Coming Soon/ Brownstone Magazine Giveaway

Hello All:

I don't write nearly as much as I should. Forgive me. Things have been pretty hectic lately. I have an awesome topic in mind that I plan to post by tomorrow evening so please stay tuned. This quick post shall serve as promotion for an online magazine that I write for. Brownstone Magazine is a website that is designed to represent the voices of young African-American girls between the ages of 14 and 18. If you or anyone you know can benefit from the site, please spread the word. The Brownstone Team works hard to put out quality articles and it would be great to know that they're reaching the masses. Follow the magazine on twitter @BrownstoneMag and you'll be up-to-date on all the latest happenings.  We have a lot of interesting things going on and you'll surely love them. If you're interested in getting on the mailing list then please feel free to post your email address below OR email me if you don't wanna post it for all to see. Lastly, read below to find out more about the site's giveaway for teenagers in the Los Angeles area.

Brownstone Magazine Nail Makeover Giveaway


Brownstone is hosting it's first giveaway. Ladies, send us your best prom photo and you could win a nail makeover by celebrity nail stylist Hasani. Please help encourage any teens girls you know to enter.


Rules: Must be between 14 - 18 and live in the LA area to enter. DEADLINE: Friday, June 10 at midnight PST. Please submit photos to info@brownstonemagazine.com. The winner will be announced on Wednesday, June 15.

Thanks so much for reading and for your support,

Alexandria B.