Wednesday, May 23, 2012

Are your standards too high?

Do you have a specific type? Do you refuse to settle until you find that perfect mate? If your answers to these questions are "yes" then you and I have something in common. A friend of mine recently told me that I'm destined to be single forever because my list of dealbreakers is too long. How rude! I believe that there's someone for everyone and that settling is not an option. Well, at least it isn't for me. Yes, I have a lengthy list of dealbreakers but  I'd rather refer to them as the items that shape my standards. I believe that my standards are beyond practical. See below for my list that describes most of the qualities that I'd prefer for my mate to have:

My ideal guy...
  • does not use drugs.
  • has no children.
  • is at least 5 inches taller than me (kinda shallow, oh well. I wear heels a lot, sue me...)
  • is employed.
  • is ambitious and has plans for his future.
  • has a nice smile (I'm a teeth fanatic for some odd reason and I spot plaque from a mile away.)
  • keeps his fingernails clean and has good hygiene overall.
  • can spell.
  • has a sense of humor.
  • is smarter than I am (at least in some way, shape, or form).
  • does not sag his pants, wear tight ones, or use the word "swag."
  • knows how to use a drill, screwdriver, hammer, or fix a drain or something...

Is that too much to ask?

I think not! See? I told you my list was practical... Don't get me wrong, I'm willing to compromise on some things. For example, I've dated a guy with plaque before. It was tough, but I did it and I managed not to say anything to him about it. Needless to say, it didn't work out but I tried! Some things, however, aren't worth compromising for. I refuse to compromise in regards to drug use, weed smokers included...It's just not cool to me, point blank period. Employment is another one...  I've never been attracted to an unemployed man. Would I date one? Hmmm. Maybe if he was in graduate school or something, but that's about it. One of the reasons I'm certain my standards are sensible is because I know plenty of people whose are not. I mean some people have the most ridiculous requirements of their mates, ones that they're incapable of meeting themselves. These people should question whether or not their standards are too high!

How can you tell if your standards are too high?

For starters if you're requiring something that you yourself can't provide, that's a sure sign. Create a mental or written list of the things you're looking for in a relationship... If you don't want your mate to have kids yet you have three, perhaps you should reevaluate your list. If you drive a 1998 Toyota Corolla and live with your mother yet you want your mate to drive a luxury vehicle and have a place of their own, perhaps your should reevaluate your list. Ladies, if you want a man who at least 6'3 when you're only 5'2 then perhaps you should reevaluate your list and stop focusing on the physical attributes. Besides, short men need love too! If you collect unemployment checks and want to date someone with a "good job," perhaps you should reevaluate your list. I could come up with several more examples, but I'm sure you get my drift.

Create your list, edit it and make sure your standards are ones that you can meet, and stick to it. Tons of people are in or have been in unhappy relationships because they settled for someone who didn't quite meet their requirements. Others are in unsucessful relationships because they have no requirements at all. You'll find that perfect mate someday. And when I say perfect, I don't mean that they'll have no flaws... I'm referring to my belief that they will be perfect for you. Looking at your list, are there any items on it that you would like to share? Are your standards too high? Why or why not? Feel free to leave a comment below and let me know.

Thanks for reading,

Alexandria B.


  1. Those are not bad standards, I actually under most of them except for a few. I have a few standards that I think are required: 1. The ability to have an interest in someone even if the person isn't your type, 2. The ability to listen and hold a conversation and 3. Have some knowledge or interest on what the person does or ambition they have.

  2. I think your list is very practical. And I get this all the time, that I'm never going to find a man because I'm too picky and I have extremely high standards. Which I know isn't true, I have the basic standards like yourself...minus the weed smoking. That doesn't bother me unless the man smokes 3-4x a day. Occasional recreation use is fine to me. But other than that, I just need a smart man, who is funny, taller than me when I have on heels, exercises, has a job, car, doesn't live with his parents, ambitious. That's about it...but for some reason, that's hard to find.

  3. I read your checklist with someone in mind and he has literally all of what you listed.....yet he has no interest in me aside from sex. no dates, no time spent together, no "hanging out" , just sex and only sex.

    my point is, standards are one thing, but how a man treats you, what he does for you, and how he makes you feel are what matters.

    good post though, cuz i'm destined to be single too

  4. I wrote a similar article recently. My reply to this would be the article I've written which could be read here: