Monday, July 19, 2010

Why Black Men Don't Desire Black Women...

I honestly feel like I'm beating a dead horse. We've heard countless times about the overwhelmingly high percentage of Black women that are single. The suggestion that Black women date other races in order to find love indicates that Black women need to stop being so close-minded and venture out just as Black men have. I've heard that Black women need to change their perspective on dating and not be so picky. These suggestions each require that Black women do something different.

This past weekend, my friend Andrea and I started a YouTube account and recorded a few videos. The main topic of discussion was wealthy Black men and their decision to date non-Black women. Allow me to first state that I have no problem with interracial dating, but this trend is beginning to annoy me. Wealthy, or shall I say financially stable, Black men seem to keep settling down or developing romantic relationships with women that look nothing like their mothers. White and "exotic" looking women are all the rave and I am beginning to wonder why. In an effort to keep the length of this post down, I'll just state that many Black men in the entertainment industry choose to date outside their race and as a Black woman, I am offended. When I post the video you'll be able to get more details and our opinions on this issue.

This post is not meant to focus on the famous Black men that date outside their race, I want to highlight a young man that I know who just recently graduated from high school. For the purpose of confidentiality, I will refer to him as "R" for the duration of this post. I was chatting with R on skype and I mentioned the aforementioned topic. He instantly replied "Well, we want women with natural beauty." I was immediately confused as to what he meant so I asked him to elaborate and he continued "When they wake up in the morning, they are ready to go. They don't need no 24 inch weave..." He also went on to mention that Black women have too much attitude and are too controlling. I then asked if he preferred a submissive woman or someone that he could control and he replied "No, I just don't want someone that thinks she can control me."

If R is barely 18 years old and he has developed a preference, what is really going on? Is society teaching us that Black women aren't naturally beautiful? Do we really need weaves to compete with other women or do we just wear them to please ourselves? Do Black women really try to control their men? If so, are we taught by our mothers to do so? Are Black women single not only because Black men are either dead or in jail, but because these men are choosing not to date them? If Black women were to date outside their race, would this solve the problem? I have so many questions, but I'll stop there. Please feel free to comment and give your opinion on this topic.

Thanks for reading,

Alexandria B.


  1. great topic.

    a very great topic

    All my friends are light skinned. All of them. And I am the darker girl. I have been insulted, racially profiled by more blacks than whites, and I have also been told im cute for a dark girl. Growing up, all my friends had the "exotic look" and I had no boyfriend at all. I honestly think black men are over black chicks...look at the craze! Kim Kardashian for example is what a black man really wants in life....sad but true.

    But I do believe black women need to branch out and start dating outside our race. I think black men are over black women and black women still want the black man. I could on and on with this topic for days. Its such a huge topic.

    being friends with alot of white women and light skinned women has let me see the true side of things....unfortunately, its all true.

  2. OMG!!! I did a research project on this for my journalism class! I interviewed two guys: one who dates women of all races and one who dated anyone BUT black women. i had to remain neutral but it bothered me that a Black man could give me, a Black woman, a list of reasons of why he would never date me. And this was just by looking at me. He assumed that I was all about drama (which I'm not), loud (could not be further from the truth) and controlling (child, please! who has the time to play mommy to someone?) I was insulted but I had to remain calm, because 1 it was an interview and 2 me being loud would have confirmed the stereotype he had in his head about Black women. Besides, I didn't want him, but I have to admit it still hurt a little.

    Then I interviewed the guy who dated all types of women. And he totally restored my faith in men. He said, "I think it's stupid to NOT talk to someone just because of their race. I love al women. And a white woman can be just as loud as a black woman." I think Black men are more open to dating outside of their race, while Black women want Black men. ONLY. If we were as open to dating outside our race, it wouldn't hurt as much when we see interracial relationships.

    Ok, I'm done now. You got me started! lol

  3. I think that's an ignorant mindset. Every woman has flaws. Just because there have been black women who had an "attitude" or were "controlling" doesn't mean that ALL black women are. There are plenty of women who have attitude problems and control issues, of ALL DIFFERENT RACES. That's just plain stupid to think that and then tell yourself that you can't date within your race because of that. IGNORANCE.

    I think that black women know what they want, know how to express themself and aren't afraid to. And as for natural beauty, I think black woman ooze natural beauty. Just as a Caucasian woman might want a breast augmentation or botox to feel beautiful, black women are free to get a weave to feel beautiful. Although, I don't agree with and am not a fan of any of those things.

  4. This topic never gets old! Thanks for commenting on my blog :)

  5. WOW I must agree with Alee this topic never gets old. I also agree with MizSerious. I really don't fall under those stereotypes of the typical black female. I'm not loud, controlling, or drama . I'm educated, smart, funny, goofy, a sweetheart, quiet like a mouse but can be pushed to my limit. The interacial thing has bothered me for the longest, since highschool because I never really understood then why nice black men dated girls that didn't look like me?? I never turned my nose up or gave the crazy stare until after I was dumped twice for a "white girl" (caucasion being the correct term. Do I understand that when I woould bend over"backwards" to "please" my black boyfriends?? NO?! So in this case I don't think men in general..most black men in general know who or what they want (that's being with a man or being with a woman < Let's not forget the DL fools). I could go on about that too but I won't. I'm sick of black men making it seem like we are the problem, when in all truth majority of the time it's them. I went through a lot in those two relationships and put up with a lot of b.s. to be "dumped" or "cheated on" by someone who looked totally differnt than me and even had a differnt ethnic background.Yeah it hurts and until you go through it you can't really relate. I could say I'm done with black men but I won't say that either. Everyone is differnt and for those who catergorize the masses by one are small and narrow minded. I'm not turning down dating outside my race but at the same time I just feel like it's easier to date inside your race because they can relate to me. (just my thoughts). It's a sad discussion but the thing is what are we going to do about it? Overall it's crazy one minute they say this, we are crazy and drama, then the next minute we should date outside our race, but when we do we not get the same type of stares or comments we give them?? See what I mean don't know who or what they want. SMH. There are black men that love black women, who will appreciate the fact that they take all day to get ready because we do it for them, that we are strong and determined, and like us for who we are and not our skin tone or hair type, and wants to be with me and me only. We just can't give up hope.

    Great Post! ~♥ Miss Nic ♥~

  6. I just want to know: who started this? Who started saying WE (Black women) weren't good enough? When did this happen? It was like I woke up one day in high school and most of the black guys were holding hands with white girls, because WE were "too much drama". I want to know who started this, I need a name and an address, cuz I wanna kick some a**. lol, not really joking though

  7. all of my black male friends have black female friends and contrary to belief they like dark or darker skinned girls. What is it they say? the darker the berry....

    I think all my friends agree.

  8. "Black women need to stop being so close-minded and venture out just as Black men have. I've heard that Black women need to change their perspective on dating and not be so picky. These suggestions each require that Black women do something different."

    ^^ I don't think it is fair to stereotype all black women. I think it is up to anyone who they want to date, just because your a black does not mean you will only date a black guy. As a black woman, I don't watch colour, as I have dated outside of my race, such as latino and red indian.

  9. How have black women got black kids with black men if they are apparently going with different races?
    It's not the black race that is dying, it is the white race that is dying out in America.
    That is why two white couples cannot have a baby without using fertility drugs or a test tube. It is well known because it has been on the news.
    In the next 10 years there will be no white people. Except for the african couples that produce white babies.

  10. I am thankful to ALL of you who read this post and especially to those who commented.

    As usual, I agree with MizSerious & Moya2Bean. I feel what Leah and Nic Harmon typed too. Most Black women are great at expressing themselves. And every woman does have flaws, but it seems like the flaws that Black women have are often magnified. I've witnessed many events where being Black seemed to be a disadvantage. Being single, I see how few options I have when it comes to Black guys and how they may be not be what they're looking for. It's crazy...

    @iUnderEye.. LoL... You have great friends!

    @ FashionRocks- huh? Those are some crazy points that you mentioned. I agree with some of it, but it seems like most Black women prefer Black men and not all White couples need fertility drugs.

  11. A lot of black people are told when they growing up that dating outside of the black community is wrong. Not just the women, the men too. Obviously, your background, race, and culture are part of you, regardless of who you date, and dating outside your culture does not make you any less faithful to or supportive of your culture. While this attitude has not completely disappeared I found while researching my upcoming book that it is a lot less than it used to be. Over the next 20-year who knows, maybe we can put all this behind us. But for now its still out there.

    We launched a blog recently, Racy JC. It focuses on dating within different races and cultures (Asian, Black, Indian, Jewish, Latino, among others) and approaches these issues in a new, honest, real, and non-PC way. Please check it out!
    social media: jcdaviesauthor

    And never forget intercultural dating is great and you can do it! Racy JC

  12. as many black males on a daily basis chase after black females are u kidding me

  13. I like this topic. Before commenting i read every post. I want to say first that i am a white woman married to a black man. I have never been picky on the race of any man. A man put onthis earth made by god is a man. I have a lot of friends of all ethnic groups and i can say it is a hard argument personally. I have felt that i was agveage but that a black woman was a dime or a hispanic or asian woman was better. It seemed i was at a disadvantage . That is for all men. When it came to my friends getting married and settled down, i can say that its been a Mixture. I think its sad that now a days people of the same race are the ones pressuring eachother to do something diffrent . Stay true to your self and go with what you like . It takes time to find the one for you anyway:).

  14. I am mad that women only want to date tall men.